A Letter to my Doctor
Six weeks ago today my beautiful daughter was
born. You and I together had planned a
beautiful family centered cesarean to bring her into this world as peacefully
as possible with more family present than I could have ever hoped for. It was such a joyous day. You knew how much a natural birth was important
to me, so when you told me that wouldn’t be safe for me, I knew you knew best,
and listened without question. I trusted
you fully with my life. You held my hand
and spoke sweet words to me during the spinal, which as we both know is the
most difficult part. You made sure
everything was perfect and just as we had planned. You were strong, skilled, compassionate and
kind. You were everything I needed when
I needed it most. I know all of your
patients felt that way, and you had a way of making us all feel like we were
your most important patient ever.
So now my baby is six weeks old, and I think back
on the memory of her birth fondly, like I do with my other babies. You were there each time on the most important
and special days of our lives. I am so
thankful that you were able to be there each time, and make each birth special
for me.
Today is bittersweet. While I hold my baby in my arms, I should be
only thinking about how beautiful life is, and how blessed we are. Instead each thought is laced with grief and
death. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking
of you, trying to figure out why… I cry
when I’m doing the dishes, or driving, or folding laundry… I am just so sad, and I can’t believe you are
gone…
I think of your children, your three beautiful
boys, and I pray that God grants them peace.
I think of your family, the pain they must be feeling. And I think of your patients left behind, who
I know feel lost and alone in their care without you.
You were so important to so many people…
I don’t understand why things like this have to happen, why you had to
die, and I know I probably never will…
But we will miss you.
When
my daughter was born six weeks ago today, and you and I were laughing and
talking about life, I never in a million years thought I would be sitting here
in the dark this morning, mourning your death.
Life is so fragile and precious, and I will forever be grateful for your
love and care, and the experiences you have given to me.
Missing
you always…
Kristina
